230. Everyday Decisions, Big Tension: The Hurtful Patterns That Create Blended Family Division
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Ever tried to make a seemingly straightforward family decision (something that should be easy) only to feel the tension rise, opinions harden, and lines get drawn? You’re not imagining it. In blended families, decisions can feel like loyalty tests.
In this episode, we walk through a realistic scenario with a blended couple facing a decision dilemma: Do we prioritize a new experience that one side of the family is excited about… or protect a familiar tradition the other side values deeply? And that’s where things get complicated. Because it’s often not really about the decision itself. It’s about what the decision represents: loyalty and priority.
That’s when a hurtful pattern shows up that we call a Tenuous Triad:
One parent becomes the Trapped Teammate (torn between spouse and kids),
Their spouse becomes the Stranded Stranger (feeling unheard, powerless, devalued, overlooked),
And the children become Confounded Kiddos (confused, unsettled, and often emotionally loud as they express what they want).
And once that triad forms, couples can get stuck in predictable traps:
Impatience (“Why can’t we just move forward?”)
Fear and guilt (“My kids are hurting, and I'm to blame if they're disappointed.”)
Lack of empathy (“You don’t get what this means to them.”)
Lack of unity (“We aren’t leading together.”)
Parent-child allegiance (“I have to side with my kids.”)
Our goal is to help you name what’s happening so you can stop reacting to surface-level conflict and start leading from a place of clarity and unity.
You’ll Discover
What a Tenuous Triad is and why it often forms around everyday decisions
How the Trapped Teammate / Stranded Stranger / Confounded Kiddos dynamic can quickly create biological “sides” in the home and ongoing disconnection, resentment, and hurt
How to shift from reaction and contention to calm, united leadership as a couple
Resources from this Episode
Simple Step Episode: Managing Loyalties & Priorities in Your Home
Episode 59. Why Are You Stuck in a Parent-Child Allegiance? (Part 1 of 2)
Episode 179. Conquer Fear and Embrace Your Blend with Confidence and Clarity
Episode 180. Break Free from Guilt and Blend with Authenticity and Security
Episode 119. 6 Tips to Grow Empathy and Create More Connection in Your Marriage
Episode 72. The Best Way to Create Healthy, Bonded Relationships
Episode 50. How to Openly Communicate What You Really Want
Episode 203. How to Make Better Decisions and Solve Problems as a United Team
Episode 49. Should Your Highest Priority be Your Marriage…or Your Kids?
Episode 103. 4 Revealing Myths About 1 on 1 Time Between Parent and Their Bio-Kids (Part 1 of 2)
Ready for personalized support? Schedule your free coaching call
We all need some extra support along the blending journey — we're here to help. You can connect with us for a free coaching call to see how we might help you experience more clarity, confidence, and connection in your home. Schedule your free call here: https://calendly.com/mikeandkimcoaching/freesession
Feeling overwhelmed and not sure where to start?
With so many episodes available here on the show, it might feel a bit overwhelming to find the topics that matter most to you. That's why we've created the Blended Family Breakthrough Quiz which will direct you to the most impactful episodes that pertain to you personally.
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